We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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