I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
