He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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