I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
