May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
