Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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