so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
