I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
