i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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