I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
