You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
