I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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