I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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