if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
