Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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