Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
