I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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