I want to make a zoo with you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
