no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
