soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
