It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
