is your mom at the bar?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
