I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
