Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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