"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
