we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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