Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
