dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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