I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
