At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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