remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
