There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
