I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
