i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
