the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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