Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
