Michael Bay diarrhea
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
