I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
