she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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