Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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