So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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