Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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