I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
