I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
