ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
