Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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