very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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