where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
