just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
