I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
