We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
