I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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