Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
