rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
