My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
